


Your forever is all that I need

by flowercrownfandom



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Oneshot, Starbucks, Stucky - Freeform, Tumblr, barnes and noble, stevebucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 10:56:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1742249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flowercrownfandom/pseuds/flowercrownfandom
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky looks at Steve, remembering all their good times, thinking “I love you” as the golden face of Steve Rogers burns into his memory, along side the old image of the boy he fell in love with in Brooklyn, and he closes his eyes, seeing the faces on the back of his eyelids as he lets the fall bring him to his death.</p><p>Steve looks down, to see his defender, first grade husband, hand holder, proper best friend, dance partner, roommate, howling commando, the love of his life, Bucky Barnes, fall to the snowy earth. </p><p>Or basically, another cliche "Steve and Bucky Through the Years" fic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Your forever is all that I need

**Author's Note:**

> I know the whole Stucky through the years thing is overused but I wanted to try it anyway.

Bucky first meets him in the alleyway behind the book store, after saving him from Jack Walter - the meanest second grader in “probably the whole wide world”, according to Bucky. He feels like a hero, sending a strong, hard punch right to Jack’s nose, yelling “beat it“ like he‘d seen in the movies. Jack runs off, and immediately Bucky kneels before the beaten boy.

“Hey! ‘ya okay? ‘M names James, but you can call me Bucky.” he flashes his gap-toothed smile widely, extending his hand out to the stranger currently lying in the dirt.

“Pleasure t’ meet ya. I’m Steve Rogers.” Steve shakes Bucky’s hand, and Bucky is nothing if not surprised by his politeness, a proper gentleman like his daddy.

“What’d’ya do t’ make Jack get ya like that?” Bucky asks, helping Steve up and dusting him off.

“He was sayin’ that Helen n’ Joyce were stupid and you don’t talk about ladies like that.” Steve explains, like it’s the simplest thing in the world, wincing when Bucky’s hand taps his knee.

“That Jack Walter is meaner than dog poop and twice as stinky.” Bucky chuckles, sitting Steve down on the trash can to look at his injury. “Look’s like you got your knee all banged up. Where do you live?”

“The apartment on 4th street.” Steve answers and Bucky smiles again.

“That’s where I live! The top floor!” Bucky wraps his arm around Steve’s small frame and they walk home, talking about whatever it is 6 year olds talk about. The hot August sun beats down on them as Steve laughs in response to Bucky‘s joke, and Bucky thinks that not even music is as pretty as Steve’s laugh. He keeps telling jokes. He likes Steve’s laugh.

“Thank you for walking me home, n’ for saving me today.” Steve says as they stand in front of his apartment door.

“No problem, n’ we should play together tomorrow.” Bucky offers, walking away before Steve has the chance to reply. And if he skips up the stairs to his apartment with a goofy smile on his face, and doesn’t complain about taking a bath that night, that’s a secret.  
__________________________________________________________

School proves to be even more of an adventure than Bucky thought, and saving Steve from fights is almost an every day occurrence. He feels important, protecting Steve like he does. It makes him happy. He loves protecting Steve, he loves being needed. They walk to and from school together every day, sit at lunch together, sit next to each other in class, play at recess and after school, go to church together; they never go anywhere without each other.

Now, for some reason Wedding becomes a popular game to play during recess, and most of the school gets in on it. It is mainly because Shirley and Jean had gone to their cousins wedding a few weeks earlier, and now they were something like experts on the whole thing, according to them anyway. Bucky and Steve never really play with the other kids, usually keep to one corner of the playground and stay, but they figure they might as well join in since everyone else is. Every day the kids gather in the grassy patch behind the swings, and are given parts. Steve is usually just a wedding guest, if not the best man for Bucky, who is more often than not the groom (because every girl in that entire damn school just loves him). One day when Patty Harris comes down with the flu and doesn’t make it, Shirley decides that Bucky is automatically groom and can choose his bride. She has a hopeful look in her eye signaling that she wants to be chosen. No such luck.

Bucky only knows 2 things about marriage:

1.) You have to be with that person, as Shirley puts it, “for the rest of forever” (or at least for the sake of the game, the whole rest of the day) so you have to choose somebody good.

2.) In real weddings, you have to marry somebody you love. So who better to choose than:

“Steve!” Bucky says, without any real hesitation. Steve smiles and walks up to Bucky, confused expressions spreading onto both their faces when the older kids leave with offended looks. Steve, Bucky, and the rest of the first graders too young yet to fully understand the taboo of homosexuality at the time, shrug and continue as normal. They make dandelion arrangements to stick behind their suspenders, and small wedding bands made of grass blades. And when Bucky says ‘I do’, and agrees to be with Steve “until the end of the line” he damn well means it, even if he is only 6. 

“And do you promise to love each other ’till death parts ’ya” Louis, the ’priest’ says. And Bucky just wraps his arm around Steve and replies “Me and Stevie? Not even death could part us!” with a chuckle, and the kids cheer and go about making a little reception for them by the monkey bars. They sing songs and dance, ignoring the comments from the older kids that “boys can’t marry boys. Its gross and bad.” Because Bucky doesn’t care what they think, because he wants to be with Steve “for the rest of forever.”

____________________________________________________________

“Hey, what’r’ya smilin’ about?” Bucky asks Steve. The boys walk home with their book bags bouncing off their backs, filled with new reading material for the second grade, and Steve has a wide, foolish grin on his face. And if Bucky didn’t know any better, he would just assume Steve was happy about art class earlier that day, or the loads of new books in their backpacks, but that isn‘t the case.

“We’re best friends, aren’t we Buck?” Steve answers with a question, his smile turning into a tight line, waiting for an answer. “Like, real proper best friends like Patty and Peggy?” he tacks on quickly.

“Yeah. I ‘spose we are. Real, proper best friends.” Bucky smiles, Steve’s returning to his face, and Bucky is filled with so much joy. And then something crosses his mind. Proper best friends hold hands right? Patty and Peggy wear matching ribbons in their hair, and are always holding hands or have their pinkies locked together on the playground. Bucky and Steve have matching book bags already. So Bucky quickly captures Steve’s hand in his. And Steve’s face is redder than a tomato and Bucky feels warm and fuzzy inside, like he can fly, and their hands slot together perfectly, like they are made to be there. Bucky keeps smiling, he’s been friends with Steve for a year now, and now he’s got himself one mighty gorgeous best friend.  
_____________________________________________________________

They are 9 years old when they are told that boys don’t hold hands. And of course Bucky feels a little offended because how in the hell are they supposed to be proper best friends now, but he deals with it and he and Steve decide to only hold hands when they are alone. Bucky is okay with that.

They also get into the habit of having many sleepovers. Steve shimmies up the ladders to Bucky’s window, and they sit out on the fire escape and talk for hours in the summer. In the winter, Bucky crawls into Steve’s room and they find whatever blankets they can to snuggle up and tell each other ghost stories. Bucky likes Steve, he needs him. He literally needs him, he wouldn’t be able to survive without him. Because Bucky has no clue how he ever slept before he knew Steve, but on the off days when Steve isn’t cuddled under Bucky’s arm, he can barely even close his eyes for 2 seconds. He also notices how much sweeter things taste, how much more vibrant things are when Steve is around. Steve could light up the whole damn planet. He does.  
_____________________________________________________________

They are 12 when Bucky gets his first girlfriend. She isn’t as pretty as Steve, Bucky thinks. Her brown eyes are nothing like those deep pools of blue with honey flecks, and her blonde hair sits dry and flat on her head, nothing like Steve’s golden strands that Bucky loves to run his fingers through when they sleep. Her laugh is annoying and her hand feels too small and awkward in his, but he has to learn to deal with it. And of course it isn’t a proper girlfriend, at least not until they are old enough to kiss and go on dates, but its enough to stop the older kids from laughing and him and Steve and calling them fairies. He still isn’t really fully aware of the implications of that statement, but doesn’t like it anyways.

Steve and Bucky still have their sleepovers, still have their late night talks, still hold hands in the privacy of their apartments. Steve begins to take a liking to art, and often draws Bucky sleeping through the dim moonlight coming through the window. And Bucky quite likes watching Steve sleep, too. He does a lot of that now, because Steve is so small, he is always sick. Bucky just sits up and watches the fever turn Steve‘s cheeks rosy red, his chest rising and falling in relief. And Bucky likes it in the winter, when it gets cold enough that he needs to cuddle closer to Steve, to wrap his body around him and keep him warm. Bucky loves cuddling Steve.

Bucky often switches girlfriends, especially as the year trudges on, especially as they get older, but he knows that he doesn‘t really like girls. Bucky Barnes, the first boy in their grade to have a girlfriend, hold hands with a girl, kiss a girl, and “see up her skirt” (which is total bullshit) has a preference for boys. Especially Steve Rogers. Exactly Steve Rogers. But he tries like hell to hide it.  
____________________________________________________________

“Ouch!” Bucky yelps involuntarily as Steve probes his face for injury, resting on a giant bruise on his jaw.

“What were you even fighting with him about? Christ, Steve. You’re always gettin’ the both of us into trouble.” Bucky says, moving his mouth and jaw very little, so Steve can examine the injury. Bucky had already tended to Steve’s injuries earlier.

“Nothin’, Buck.” Steve replies distractedly, wiping the cut above Bucky’s eyebrow again.

“No, really. What was it about?” Bucky furrows his eyebrows together.

“He - uh - he just called you a fairy is all. N’ I don’t like it when people say things like that about you. ‘S rude.” Steve answers, looking back at Bucky’s jaw again.

“Ow, ow.” Bucky whispers, trying to keep Steve from hearing.

“M’ sorry, Buck. For always gettin’ us into these types of situations. For always makin‘ you take care of me…” Steve apologizes, looking into Bucky’s eyes.

“No, God no, Steve! That’s not what I meant at all! You’re my best friend, okay? I will always take care of you. I’m with you ‘till the end of the line.” Bucky replies, pulling Steve into a lingering hug. After a while they pull away, and Steve stares at Bucky with such intensity, and they are so close, that Bucky could swear he is about to kiss him. But instead Steve swoops down and kisses the bruise on Bucky’s jaw, awkwardly muttering goodbye and scrambling out the fire escape, leaving Bucky’s jaw tingling and his face burning hot. They never talk about it.

___________________________________________________________

If there is one person Bucky can count on to keep his secret, it is his mother. She is a small, quiet woman. She doesn’t judge her son for his preference, and honestly thinks his crush on Steve is cute. From age 12, when he first figured it out, and even before then, before he knew it was a crush, until now, Bucky goes home from school and gushes to his mother about Steve. Bucky always tells his mother about Steve.

“But ma, his eyes are so beautiful, like the prettiest blue sky you’ve ever seen, and his hair is golden like honey, and softer than the fluffiest cat you’ve ever pet, his drawings are so good, and when he sleeps his cheeks get all pink and he looks so peaceful, and not even Patricia has a prettier laugh than him. Ma, he’s just so pretty.” Bucky says such things, always accompanies them with a soft smile. His mom just says “Well it sounds like you really love this boy. Tell me more about him.” and that’s what Bucky loves so much about his mom. He can sit there for hours and tell her about Steve and she listens like he is telling her the most interesting story ever told.

One day Bucky walks home with Steve, hand in hand, and doesn’t notice his father drive by. He goes down to the Rogers’ apartment for an hour and comes back up to his, to find his parents arguing.

“He’s your son, Charles! You will not!” his mother yells.

“The hell I won’t! No son of mine would be so vile!” his dad screams. Bucky takes a deep breath and opens the door. His heart starts racing and his palms get sweaty, and he struggles to force words out of his mouth.

“Ma? Dad? Whats wrong?” Bucky asks, his voice shaking.

“Get out of this apartment now. You’ve got 2 minutes to finish packing your things!” his dad says firmly.

“Mom?!” Bucky asks with tears in his eyes.

“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to say anything! He saw you two holding hands and asked about it and I really didn’t mean to say anything, it slipped, I didn‘t mean to, I’m so sorry!” she rambles hysterically, and just like that, all of Bucky’s trust in his mom disappears as quickly as he had formed it. That is the one bad thing about her, she does everything Charles tells her to do, and now that he is kicking Bucky out, she won’t do anything to stop it. He should have thought that over before talking to her about Steve, but then again he never thought his own mother would betray a secret that important. He was wrong.

She helps him pack what little possessions he does own, and gives him nothing more than an apologetic look as Charles pushes him out the door, saying he can come back home “when he‘s got a pretty dame wrapped around his arm”. And that’s how Bucky Barnes ends up homeless at age 16.

He keeps it hidden from Steve for barely 3 days, before finds himself moved in with Steve and his mother, despite his protesting. But he has to admit, sleeping next to Steve every night makes everything more than worth it. And even when Steve and his mother both find out why Bucky was kicked out, they don’t judge him at all, nothing changes with Steve. And maybe things would still be okay.  
_________________________________________________________

“Okay, hold this hand… okay now put your other hand around my waist. Yeah, just like that.” Bucky coaches, stepping in beat with the music, desperately trying to get Steve to do the same. He really isn’t lying when he says he can’t dance. Still, Bucky feels that familiar warmth radiating from his stomach, can feel his heart rate speeding up, a smile spreading across his face far too easily. By now, at age 17, he’s come to the realization that he doesn’t just love Steve, he is madly in love with him. Irrevocably in love with him.

Bucky spins Steve around and pulls him close, way close, too close, because the next thing he knows, his lips are attached to Steve’s and Steve is not responding.

“I’m so sorry. Oh, god. Steve please forget I did that… I can’t lose you, please, please forget that!” Bucky practically wails, hiding his face in his hands, tears streaming down. He has no idea why he just did that.

“B-Bucky, ‘s okay.” Steve says, putting his hands on either side of Bucky’s face nervously, looking up at him. “I don’t want to forget it.” he smiles and stretches up on his toes to meet Bucky’s lips again. They are both blushing madly at this point. And Bucky feels hope surge through him, because things weren’t just okay now, they were perfect.  
___________________________________________________________

Bucky sits with a glass of whiskey in one hand, a letter in the other. He and Steve live alone in their apartment now, after the death of Steve’s mom, and they have both been working extra hard to keep everything together. But now Bucky is drafted into the military, even though he tells Steve he’d enlisted. And Bucky worries for Steve, being here by himself. Even more, he worries about Steve trying to enlist again, and them actually taking him. Steve can barely handle it here, let alone war. And now Bucky feels like he is abandoning Steve. But really Bucky doesn’t want to leave Steve here, because Bucky doesn’t want Steve to find somebody else, Bucky doesn’t want to die. However, there isn’t much he can do but spend these last few days with Steve.

And the last few nights, Bucky cuddles up next to Steve extra close, and runs his hands through his familiar gold hair, and traces his finger over Steve’s features and whispers “I love you. I love you so much. I’ll always protect you. I promise.” over and over again, until he silently cries himself to sleep. And things weren’t perfect now, and unless he came back in once piece, they wouldn’t be perfect again.

___________________________________________________________

Bucky shakes nervously as he pulls his uniform top over his head, just like the others, letting it fall to the ground. He and several men from the 107th have been captured, and are standing in a Hydra base, guns pointed at them from every angle possible. They are being forced to strip their uniforms, their belongings being searched through. A man grabs his jacket from the floor, searching the breast pocket and finding Bucky’s pictures of Steve. So far, the men had been ripping up the soldier’s pictures of their wives, girlfriends, children, families, and Bucky draws in a breath, waiting for the inevitable rip. But the man just stands there, a sickening smile creeping onto his face. Bucky audibly swallows, and watches the man flag two of the others to his side. They study the photographs intently, smiles appearing on their faces as well, as the first man practically spits the name “Captain America”, the other two laughing bitterly. The two men grab Bucky’s arms and shove his undershirt back over his head, before pulling him away from the others. They drag him down a long hallway, to an isolated room, strap him down to a metal table, and leave. Bucky doesn’t know how long he’ll even be there, or if he’ll even walk out alive. Fear consumes him.

Tears stream down his face as he repeats his information, the only thing he has memorized. He tries closing his eyes, tries to think of the beautiful face, the boy that he dreams about every night. And how Bucky wishes Steve was here right now, to save him. Confusion and worry about Steve, apparently ‘Captain America‘ , consumes him as well.

Bucky isn’t sure how long he is actually in the strange room. His head is pounding, his throat is dry, to say nothing of his crippling hunger, and aching muscles from being strapped onto the cold, hard table for God knows how long. And he just keeps repeating his information, his name, rank, number. Keeps thinking of Steve, keeps imagining him coming to save him. Occasionally some men will storm into the room, forcing food or water down Bucky’s throat. It is all flavorless slop, either to hot or too cold, and never enough to satisfy his hunger or thirst. Some nights he just repeats Steve’s name over and over again.

“Steve Rogers. Steven Grant Rogers. Steve. Stevie. Punk. I love you. Please save me, Steve. Please get me out of here.”

And soon enough Bucky is practically in a trance. Name, rank, number. Name, rank, number. That’s all he can do, trying to keep himself sane, trying not to think of Steve and his safety, but he can‘t. Name, rank, number. He hears footsteps. Name, rank, number. Fear wells up inside him, his throat tightens, stomach grumbles, muscles ache. Name, rank, number. A voice registers. Name, rank, number. Name, rank, number. The voice.

“Bucky. Bucky, its me.” hands shake him, loosen the restraints. He looks up.

“S-steve. Steve.” Bucky smiles. Steve saved him. He is standing. His muscles ache worse, he leans on Steve for support. But, Steve?!

“I thought you were dead.” Steve says, looking at Bucky with awe.

“I thought you were smaller.” Bucky replies, doing the same. “What happened?” its hard to find his voice. His eyes must be seeing things.

“I joined the Army.” Steve offers little explanation before pulling Bucky out of the room. And for the first time, Steve saves Bucky, not the other way around. And Bucky can’t be more grateful.  
___________________________________________________________

Bucky hangs onto the rail with as much strength as he can muster. He reaches his arm out, barely brushing fingertips with Steve, the love of his life, before the rail gives way under his weight, sending him falling. He looks at Steve one last time, drinking in his beauty. Even if he has changed. He looks at the beautiful blue eyes, the golden hair, the now strong arms. He almost wishes he could see Steve smile, not look down in fear, but that isn’t possible, and so Bucky looks at Steve, remembering all their good times, thinking “I love you” as the golden face of Steve Rogers burns into his memory, along side the old image of the boy he fell in love with in Brooklyn, and he closes his eyes, seeing the faces on the back of his eyelids as he lets the fall bring him to his death. And in a death filled with panic, he was never more peaceful.

“I love you, Steve Rogers” Bucky thinks, his final thought. “It’s the end of the line, I’m no longer with you, but I will always love you.”

And Steve looks down, to see his defender, first grade husband, hand holder, proper best friend, dance partner, roommate, howling commando, the love of his life, Bucky Barnes, fall to the snowy earth. And Steve, too, lets go of the rail.  
____________________________________________________________

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah yeah okay, so I changed the ending a bit. I always like to explore that idea, like, ’what would happen if steve fell with bucky’ and maybe one day I’ll explore more of this idea, but for now here is your fluffy turned EXTREMELY DEPRESSING oneshot.


End file.
